Betrayal is often one of the deepest reasons we find ourselves in the midst of divorce. It can break trust indefinitely, while stirring up deep, raw emotions we didn’t even realize we could have. Whether the betrayal arises because of infidelity, lies, or something completely unique and personal, it is a hard concept to accept, and even harder to simply ‘move on’ from, especially when you’re going through a divorce, and it’s easier to think about the pain. There are a few simple tools you can use in order to help yourself through the feelings that come with betrayal. While the idea of being betrayed by someone you loved is never an easy realization to handle, consider these resources as you begin your journey of moving on.
Accept What You Need, Let Go Of What You Might Expect
When you first discover a betrayal, there is no telling what sort of emotions you might feel, but many of them might be paralyzing. Don’t be afraid to give yourself time to feel more, and sort out your thoughts and emotions. If you need space, take it. If you need an extended period of time, take it. When you are forced to make decisions quickly, it often doesn’t give you time to really think things through, and you make regret a knee-jerk reaction further down the road. As far as expectations go, don’t be too hard on yourself. How you feel is how you feel – it’s important to understand that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to feel during this time. Accept your feelings and emotions, first and foremost, and don’t let anyone try to criticize you for them.
Let Life Go On
You may find that even your day-to-day routines can seem harder to get through, because betrayal can leave us in shock. However, if you’re able to keep practicing your daily routine, it will get easier everyday. Once you’re able to keep those routines, you can get back to doing other, new things – it will all get easier with time.
Find The Right Kind of Help
Family and friends can be a great support system when you’re going through a divorce, and a collective shoulder to lean on through the idea of betrayal. And while it’s a wonderful idea to surround yourself with that kind of support, keep in mind your own feelings, as well. Remember to take the time you need to sort things out – it’s not a bad thing to have to tell those you love to give you some time and space. They will still be there for you when you’re ready.
If you’re really struggling, however, seeking some kind of professional help to assist you in moving past the betrayal and getting through the divorce can be very beneficial. Working with an experienced therapist can really help you sort out your feelings, and provide a safe, secure, professional outlet where you can truly dig deeper into how the betrayal itself made you feel, and how you can move on with your life.
For Couples Therapy Pasadena, Donna Shanahan, LMFT Specializes in Infidelity, Collaborative Divorce and Divorce Coaching.